When it comes to leadership soft skills, being a great listener is as important as—if not more than—being a great talker. But being a great listener can also be challenging, and requires a learning curve!

You probably already know the basics: choose a time and location that best facilitates the conversation, and use eye contact and body language that shows you’re paying attention. So let’s jump straight into the tough stuff.

• Absorb what’s being said—don’t interrupt. Waiting to speak is not really So when you’re presented with a situation, avoid cutting in with advice and solutions. You may miss out on the full scope of the problem, and you will definitely rob the other person of feeling fully heard (even if it seems they are rambling or repeating themselves). Keep your focus on the person’s words, tone, and body language, and try to understand what is really being communicated underneath those words.
• Embrace the power of silence. It may surprise you, but often the best way to keep a conversation going is to not say anything at all. Since you’re busy listening to the other person and not waiting to talk, you’re also not perched to fill their first pause with your own words. See how a brief silence (under 10 seconds) can elicit elaboration. You can also try nodding or using phrases like “Tell me more,” which suggest the other person should continue.
• Paraphrase to show understanding. Once the other person has completed their process, ensure you’ve heard the message correctly. Start with a phrase like, “So I hear you say…” or “So if I understand you correctly…” and go on to summarize what you heard. End with a phrase like, “Does that sound right?” This gives the other person a chance to agree and feel validated, or to clarify and correct any misunderstandings.
• Ask open-ended questions. The right open-ended question asked at the right time combines the value of a “tell me more” phrase with the value of reinforcing what you’ve heard. It reflects understanding, and encourages the other person to dig deeper into the situation. This is a great tool for listening and for exploration and problem-solving. Examples include, “And how did that work for you?”, “What would you do differently next time?”, “Why do you think that was so successful?”
• Validate, validate, validate. When you’re able to validate the other person’s feelings and experiences, you’ll forge a rare and satisfying connection. If someone comes to you with a success, such as increased attendance at the annual public-engagement event, you can say, “I know how hard you worked to increase public awareness. It sounds like your marketing expertise brought great success to this project!” Or if instead, the person is expressing the failure of decreased attendance, you can say, “That must be disappointing. I know how hard you worked on diversifying the marketing strategy.”

When you’re a great listener, you deeply engage those around you, improve relationships, and gain valuable insight. See what happens when you give these tips a try!