We’ve all seen how kindness begets kindness, such as when folks pay it forward at Starbucks. Unfortunately, we’ve also seen how rudeness begets rudeness, and we’re about to see a lot more of it as people head back into the office.

As strange as it was to work from home in early 2020, we got used to it and our newfound freedom. We turned off our cameras to eat during meetings. We planned exercise, video games, and errands into our days. We worked only the hours it actually took us to complete our projects. We kept to our own little bubbles, interacting less with others and avoiding many social challenges; we ended the Zoom call and moved on. But it seems eighteen months at home whacked us woefully out of practice with real-world social interactions.

No, you’re not crazy if you’ve noticed more rude behavior everywhere from the grocery store to the highway to the school pickup line. You’re likely to see it when you return to work, too. See, rudeness is often a response to stress, pressure, powerlessness, or frustration—all things many of us have felt for a while now and may continue to feel, perhaps even more so, in the office. A recent Portland State University study tells us that people who witness rudeness at work are likely to be rude to someone else. The study also found that workers with greater autonomy are less likely to repeat or reciprocate rude behavior. The problem is, as we return to the office, we’re about to have a lot less control over our days.

So what does rudeness look like at work? Rudeness can take many forms, but it is generally defined as disrespect; breach of social norms, expectations, or etiquette; or aggressive, inconsiderate, or flagrantly offensive behavior. Examples include:

• Speaking in a snappish or condescending tone
• Ignoring messages
• Arriving late to meetings
• Badmouthing or ignoring a coworker
• Checking personal phone at inappropriate times
• Publicly criticizing teammates

…and the list goes on. For better or worse, rudeness is pretty obvious when you see it.

So when you do see rudeness happening in your team, what can you do about it?

• Don’t ignore it! Ignoring rude behavior is a silent way of condoning it. Show your team you care and are willing to take action to keep everyone healthy.
• Discuss the offending behavior. You can do this as a broad message to the team or in specific cases (especially ones you witness), you can speak to the rude person directly. Just be sure to listen with a sympathetic ear—you never know what is going on in their life—and be willing to offer support to move forward. If rude behavior from one person is consistent and destructive to the work environment, an action plan with HR may be the best course.
• Model positive interactions. Live the Golden Rule at work; be the positive change you want to see. Practice empathy, professionalism, integrity, and self-control.

Workplace rudeness isn’t the happiest topic, but if we all work toward awareness and positive change, we can make return-to-work a social success!