Because references are invaluable to any hiring process, in a recent YES! Your Human Resources Solution blog, we talked about how employers can get the information they need from reference checks. References can speak to a candidate’s work style, personality, diligence, and competence. They are a priceless view of one professional to another. A hiring manager would expect an employee’s references to be glowing, if they selected their references carefully.

But let’s flip this for a minute. What if a colleague or team member asks you to give a reference on their behalf? And what if you, well, wouldn’t exactly offer a glowing recommendation of their skills or disposition? It can be incredibly hard to say no when someone comes to you in this confidence, but rather than compromise your own integrity, try one of these gracious ways to avoid giving the reference.

• “I’m sorry, but my schedule just isn’t reliable right now.” Bottom line—you’re not able to make time for a reference. Whether family, travel, or a big deadline, you just can’t offer the time and attention it takes to prepare a solid letter of recommendation or stand by as a worthy reference. In fact, your schedule is so full, you don’t feel able to field or return reference calls in a timely manner, and you would never want to jeopardize the applicant’s candidacy.
• “I don’t feel I can adequately speak to your best work.” Bottom line—you haven’t seen justification for a glowing review. This isn’t necessarily calling out the candidate for bad work; you might not have witnessed enough of the candidate’s work to judge if it’s good, or you might know firsthand that the candidate’s work actually is bad. You can reinforce this answer with the simple, “I feel like I don’t know you well enough to offer the reference you deserve.” Either way, any reference would not be able to reflect the highest level of praise.
• “I can’t speak to your project management, but I can speak to your client interaction.” Bottom line—it’s not no, but your qualified reference might not be all that helpful, either. This answer forces the candidate to decide how much they need your buy-in, and could get you on the hook for giving a reference. But at least it would be a reference on your terms, speaking only to those items you could vouch for in good conscience.
• “I don’t feel I’m the best person to provide a reference, but I’d be glad to help review your resume or run interview questions with you.” Bottom line—it’s simple, it’s direct, and it offers to support the candidate’s job search. Win-win.

So what’s the bottom, bottom line? You can graciously decline any reference request you don’t feel qualified or justified to make. It’s better to offer an honest, if potentially uncomfortable, refusal than to accept and then ignore the reference-checker or blindside the candidate with negative feedback. Sometimes refusing to provide a reference is the best way for you to help the candidate move on to the next step of their career!