During a weeklong educational conference, I watched an eager young woman make the same mistake every time: swarming the speaker directly after their presentation—even interrupting the speaker’s conversations with others—to enthusiastically deliver her elevator speech and a business card. And every time, I wondered how well that worked for her.

Using that experience as a springboard, the goal of all networking is to not seem desperate, vain, or rude! (OK, the goal is actually to make solid connections. But it won’t help if you seem desperate, vain, or rude.) So how should you do that?

1. Instead of swarming the speaker… Give them some air! After all, they just finished a lengthy presentation. While they’re presenting, take note of ideas you liked, jokes or stories you enjoyed, and points you found especially effective. Jot down any follow-up questions you’d like to ask. You can approach them later during the conference when they are not being swarmed. Be sure to lead the conversation with something from your notes to show that you were engaged and that you’re interested in further discussion, not just pushing your own agenda.
2. Instead of touting your greatness… Of course you want to use this opportunity to make connections and share how great you are. Everyone else does too! But it’s no fun to talk to someone who is all about themselves. The most effective networking comes from forming genuine relationships, and genuine relationships start with genuine conversation. So talk to people and ask questions about themselves and their business, making an effort to get to know them. They will in turn ask organic questions about you and your business. Think of it like a date—you wouldn’t download all about yourself without showing an interest in getting to know the other person!
3. Instead of peppering business cards… As in all networking, business card distribution is about quality, not quantity. And when you hand a business card with every handshake, the other person may feel like a tally mark toward a quota. After all, you certainly don’t know if you’ll want to pursue further discussion before you have a chance to start talking! So make a connection first. Over the course of those genuine conversations you’re having up in #2, if your personalities are connecting and you may have useful information to exchange in the future, then hand over a business card. On the cards you receive, be sure to make notes that will help you remember the person, where you met, and what you talked about. That will help you customize your follow-up contact.

By following these tips, you’ll be set up for networking success at your next conference! Just remember to target your efforts, to let things flow organically, and to not make everything about the wonder that is you. If you’re not coming across as desperate, vain, or rude, people are going to naturally think you’re wonderful, anyway!